Jacey Verdicchio - A Children's Author

People need to feel that they are in charge of their own lives.  Events and circumstances that make us feel out of control, like a job loss or health challenge, are among the most stressful experiences.  Perhaps one of the fears associated with marriage is the sacrifice of control.  Committing to another person introduces more variables and requires frequent compromise.

This past week I have seen how frustrating it has been for my mom to have only limited use of her right hand.  Even with people to help her, not being able to do dishes, do her own hair, or drive is alarming.  Depending on others for these basic functions requires more patience than you might think.

It would lack maturity to think we can truly control every aspect of our lives.  We can’t control everything that happens, but we can control our reactions to what happens.  Ultimately, those reactions determine the future more than the events themselves.

We have more control than we realize.  Sometimes we look at the circumstances around us and think about the external misfortunes and “bad breaks” we’ve gotten, or, the good fortune and blessings that seem to come out of nowhere.  Often, we had a lot more to do with those circumstances than we give ourselves credit for.  Thoughts repeated over time caused incremental changes in our actions.  With little exception, our thoughts and actions over time have placed us exactly where we stand today.

Everyone experiences pain and setbacks.  Some of us inflict more pain on ourselves with self sabotaging thoughts and behaviors.  A cursory glance might call it bad luck, and victims are some of the loudest people in the world.  Their cries are so loud that sometimes we begin to accept them as true.

I will not accept it, because if it’s true, then we can’t change our own lives by improving our thoughts and choices.  In a world of destiny, there is no aspiration.  In a world of destiny, hope is quenched by the subtle enemy of apathy.

We will never be able to control everyone and everything around us, and we don’t need to.  We have control of one thing at all times - our minds.  We don’t have to wait for our families, friends, employer, government, and economy to change.  If we take hold of this most valuable tool, we can diminish the effects of the uncontrollable aspects of our lives.

“When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world.  I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation.  When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town.  I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.  Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family.  My family and I could have made an impact on our town.  Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.”        -Unknown monk, 1100AD